Are we playing yet?

Sometimes therapy gets confusing especially, it seems, when it involved younger children and if there's one thing I'm learning in this journey it's that our "big boy" qualifies as a young child.

Which is a mixed bag with autism. On one hand, there seems to be this wall of disbelief that I have to deconstruct when dealing with many of the initial agencies I was told to contact, unbelieving that our son could possibly have a diagnosis just months after his 2nd birthday. This has been extremely disheartening given the overwhelming support and awareness towards early diagnosis and intervention. On the other hand, the support we have found, including some really incredible CDAs (communicative disorder assistants) and OTs (Occupational therapists) who work exceptionally hard to introduce strategies that can be fun and productive for our son and we're starting to see a difference.

J is becoming more vocal in his babbling and has added almost half a dozen words to his vocabulary (doubling it depending on who you ask), he understands more, and we're seeing improvements in our life skills throughout the day.

The hard part for me is finding the balance. Even though the strategies are set within the context of play, there are days when both J and I are fully aware that what we are working on isn't a game or even necessarily fun, it's work and it's hard, frustrating, and possibly the last thing on earth either one of us wants to be doing but it needs done.

When therapy and play share a fuzzy boundary though over analysis kicks in: have we played enough today, has it all be strategies, did we have fun, have we practiced fine motor today/this week, am I rushing too much for strategies?  

The list goes on because the boundaries are close, this road is new, and everyone involved is human.

It's hard because the mom in me wants him to succeed - learning and growing as himself  and in our family. The tired human wants progress - less behaviours, more communication and less frustration.

We don't like to see our children suffer if there's something we can do -therapy is something we do and it's good, it works, and it can change lives given time and effort.

sometimes we need that balance, the need to push guilt away and recognize the value if just being, without fearing schedules, timelines, and aging out of assistance too soon.

Even though it's not mentioned on assessments, intakes, or forms it's still important, at the end of the day, not to measure how many minutes were spent practicing scissors (although we are desperately behind on that) but does J feel loved today.

Sometimes playtime needs to be playtime and maybe this Mama can benefit from that too.