Sometimes you're tired

I told my husband at Christmas time that I was done.

I was tired of cheering on orphans in the background and when I had time on here. I was tired of watching kids wait year after year. I was tired of watching kids move to "In Loving Memory". I was tired of watching the faces of little girls I would love to be a Mama too and can't. Sometimes the pain is too much and besides I'm only one little voice that's barely a whisper who will notice if I fade back into the vastness of the internet.

But the someone wrote this and then people on social media started sharing too,

Things like

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Gal 6:9

 And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good. 2 Thess, 3:13

Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, unmovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that the work that you do for the Lord isn't wasted. 1 Cor 15:58

It was relentless, Eventually, even I can take a hint, so I stayed. I saw the faces, I prayed, we finished out Angel Tree but I refused to blog. I'm funny that way I can be so stubborn and refuse to do what I know I should. I know these kids need shared, I know these kids need loved and shouted for, prayed for and shared.

Writing scares me though. I'm an introvert and I'd rather have a root canal than face a barrage of conversations, writing is my strongest form of communication, it's a natural extension of myself. This means sometimes my heart slips through in ways I don't want to share because it's scary and vulnerable. So, when I'm low I avoid it or, at least, I avoid sharing lest pieces of my heart slip through into the scary world.

So why am I writing? My heart still aches for all the reasons it did when I said I was done. I still grieve the children I knew only through pictures who did not make it. I grieve the lost potential of the children who sit and wait.

But I know it is far better to be obedient and write even if it hurts because the pain of doing nothing in disobedience is far worse and the risk is worth it.

If a try and fail at least I've tried. If I try and reveal my heart even in brokenness it is a chance to grow. If I try and am not heard I may not yet know where this leads.

In the end I've tried and surely these kids are worth trying for.

Ginny

Tarsha

Merida

Tara

Kirk