A new normal

I've been told I worry too much about a lot of things since I began my journey with PPA (Post-partum anxiety) this week one of my concerns found some footing.

Our oldest son has officially been diagnosed with moderate autism.

It's funny how the things you expect can still hit you hard.

He's still our peanut and nothing's changed other than a few new words on his medical file but it's the changed hopes and dreams that create the pain and grief in this initial time of transition.

I always suspected autism could be part of our lives. In the middle of the autism debates that rage online, the genetic argument makes the most sense to me and autism already runs in our family. So when our active, creative fireball of a son fell further behind in speech, started shying away from textures, and started sensory behaviours day in and day out, this Mama started making calls.

It's funny how everyone has an opinion. I've been told that "boys just talk late," "boys are always active," "boys like to deconstruct things," "boys have tempers."  Here's the thing that may be true to degrees in some kids regardless of gender each kid is different but Mama's and Daddy's have instincts and mine screamed it's better to be screened early, patted on the head, and told you're overprotective then miss something that could be helped - and with autism early diagnosis and intervention is key.

So here we start on a new adventure and oddly enough the experts are right. Our son hasn't changed a bit (as evidenced by the fact he just jumped off the couch again and started running laps through our kitchen) but as parents we are changing. We're learning how to work with our son where he is, we're trying to learn to see the world through his eyes and help him navigate a world that can be very different for him, and we're learning what this new norm means for our crazy little family.

A diagnosis isn't the end of the world, and grieving isn't bad (I'd argue necessary but that's an entirely other post), in fact, sometimes a diagnosis frees you to leave the expectations of those around you and start embracing the uniqueness that's always been there.