Alright, I think it goes without saying that I support the work Reece's Rainbow and other similar organizations due. So, it just makes sense that I would be excited for their biggest fundraiser and awareness campaign of the year - Angel Tree.
Most morning when I need a smile I go and visit the "My Family Found Me" page which lists all the children who have tentative commitments or the "Already Home" page where families who have already connected with their children and brought them home are listed. There is an incredible joy to see these children loved, thriving, and in a family (it's also fun when families sneak in some time to update on their blogs and you see the impact of the adoption process).
That said, I wasn't going to join in with Angel Tree this year.
Yep, I was just going to hide in my own little cubbyhole online, watching and cheering on those brave enough to speak up on behalf of their angels.
The last few years have been tiring, exhausting even and my reserves are pretty low. I get excited about all the good and wonderful things I see going on (which is a lovely contrast to the news I've had to cut out of my life thanks to an anxiety disorder) but before I can step up and say "Here I am, I can help" a little voice in my head calls out how little I have to offer. So, I shrink back to my corner and allow that voice to win. You see, that little voice has had a lot of support these last few years, people confirming what it whispers throughout the day, reminding me of my failures, my weakness, and where I can't measure up.
Hiding seems like a pretty solid option in those circumstances.
Here's the thing, there's something tantalizing about hope, unavoidably drawing about love and encouragement.
I was sitting frustrated as I felt the edges of yet another anxiety attack creeping up into the edges of awareness and popped into the Angel Tree Facebook group to see what was happening, holding my breathe that maybe distraction could hold off my anxiety. As a scanned through threads I was amazed at the support, the encouragement, the dedication of the members to cry out for these kids because all it takes is a person willing to cry out . . . and as they laid it out they drew me in.
As I was drawn in- we started talking.
As we talked - that inner voice found some conflict.
It doesn't take much to make a difference for people: a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a helping hand. It can bring people out of isolation and into community.
With Angel Tree it doesn't take much to start a journey - a donation here, a share there, hope and love can be kindled in a family for a child around the world and with the help of their community, the RR community a family can be encouraged as they work through the long road of international adoption and a child can find a home.
I may only be one, with my doubts and insecurities, but I'm still one and that counts for something and you can bet I'm going to shout my heart out for a little girl half way around the world in the hopes that maybe her Mama and Daddy will hear.
Who knows, maybe with all that shouting that little condemning voice won't be able to get in as many words.
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