It's beginning to look a lot

It's beginning to look a lot like . . . paperwork.

Referral paperwork, official doctors letters and assessments, and more information to read through(conveniently added to an entire tote of paperwork I've yet to find a cup of tea large enough to motivate me to begin reading).

I'm not ashamed to admit I've dug out the Christmas carols to help. I'm one of those weird people who gets positively giddy to hear a carol around (Canadian) Thanksgiving and, as an added bonus, Christmas songs make my almost 4 month old break out into large, toothless grins. Who wouldn't want to see that while facing down the mountain.

I realize the importance of getting into things quickly but they honestly need to make a "filling out medical paperwork for your child" for dummies book. I think two of the forms they sent me from two different offices yesterday are identical and are supposed to be shipped to two different cities.

I applaud those who have come before, I think of my former babysitter, a beautiful spirit of a woman who has a daughter on the spectrum and battles her own health concerns, she's a warrior mama not only ensuring her daughter gets care but helping make things better for the future through fundraisers and awareness.

I think of another mama who's faced numerous battles while helping her little one receive the best quality of life he can while facing a condition I had never even heard of before. That mama works tirelessly (although I know some days she must feel bone numbingly tired) and the smile that her little man has shows that she's doing something right.

I'm grateful for the fact we live in a country where there are opportunities for my son to thrive, grow, and pursue whatever dreams his heart will grow over the next few years.
Through my time trying to raise awareness with Reece's Rainbow I'm painfully aware of how little it can take to send a child into a life without a future. This is why I support RR, to help give some of these kids the chance for a future, the same chance my own son has been afforded simply by where he was born.

Angel Tree starts in less than 3 weeks and through a wonderful set of circumstances, I now have a new angel to root for (I'll explain that in her intro post as soon as I can).

In the meantime, I'm going to load up the Christmas playlist and see if I can rustle up another cup of tea.

Venturing out

I've never been a "crowd" person

I wear my introvert badge with pride and still chuckle a bit too much when a certain Doctor Who episode references Hermits United.

I know at least part of that comes from my EDS. Crowds are not a great place to be when your joints are wibbly, your body hurts, and your anxiety keeps telling you that people are sucking out the oxygen. That said, I love one-on-one or meeting with a small group of people. Give me a shared topic of interest and I will talk your ear off. Everybody, even introverts, need a chance to be out in community, it's a fundamental part of who we are as human beings.

Now, however, going out has a new complication: a smiley little 4 month old and our firecracker who's 2 and just happens to have ASD.

Our son's ASD has left him fairly speech delayed as well as unaware of most boundaries add in the fact that he's tall for his age and we have a perfect recipe for frustration as most people simply see a disobedient free spirited boy who "should know better" or a lazy parent. UGH!

It honestly feel like a rock and a hard place quandary - don't explain and people make assumptions (let's face it people act on assumptions and interact differently as a result) or explain and chance people not making the effort to see the person behind the label.

Having to deal with this myself I usually go with the latter risk but it still feels like a lose-lose scenario. Which is why I'm grateful on those occasions when the unexpected occurs.

We recently started attending a new church who I had been associated with through their day camp many moons ago (I don't actually remember the year but anything pre-kids feels like it was many moons ago :P ).  We arrived early, let our little guy walk through the entire building while only the first volunteers were running through setup, and made sure to find his teacher before class started. I started into my usually explanation with speech delays, possible ASD, etc . . . only for the teacher to smile and tell me she understood perfectly her son had been there too.

There's power in a smile. There's power in a kind word, a nod of acceptance, or when acceptable a recognition of similar journeys. They're all connectors, reminders that we're not alone on this weird journey called life, an invitation back into community when you feel isolated and alienated.

I'm grateful that, although new to this journey, I've already found a few instances where community has reached out and invited me in when life and assumptions seemed to push me out.

Community takes risk but it's a risk worth taking for both parties, something I definitely need to remember.

A new normal

I've been told I worry too much about a lot of things since I began my journey with PPA (Post-partum anxiety) this week one of my concerns found some footing.

Our oldest son has officially been diagnosed with moderate autism.

It's funny how the things you expect can still hit you hard.

He's still our peanut and nothing's changed other than a few new words on his medical file but it's the changed hopes and dreams that create the pain and grief in this initial time of transition.

I always suspected autism could be part of our lives. In the middle of the autism debates that rage online, the genetic argument makes the most sense to me and autism already runs in our family. So when our active, creative fireball of a son fell further behind in speech, started shying away from textures, and started sensory behaviours day in and day out, this Mama started making calls.

It's funny how everyone has an opinion. I've been told that "boys just talk late," "boys are always active," "boys like to deconstruct things," "boys have tempers."  Here's the thing that may be true to degrees in some kids regardless of gender each kid is different but Mama's and Daddy's have instincts and mine screamed it's better to be screened early, patted on the head, and told you're overprotective then miss something that could be helped - and with autism early diagnosis and intervention is key.

So here we start on a new adventure and oddly enough the experts are right. Our son hasn't changed a bit (as evidenced by the fact he just jumped off the couch again and started running laps through our kitchen) but as parents we are changing. We're learning how to work with our son where he is, we're trying to learn to see the world through his eyes and help him navigate a world that can be very different for him, and we're learning what this new norm means for our crazy little family.

A diagnosis isn't the end of the world, and grieving isn't bad (I'd argue necessary but that's an entirely other post), in fact, sometimes a diagnosis frees you to leave the expectations of those around you and start embracing the uniqueness that's always been there.

Angel Tree is coming back (and it guess who's joining in)

Alright, I think it goes without saying that I support the work Reece's Rainbow and other similar organizations due. So, it just makes sense that I would be excited for their biggest fundraiser and awareness campaign of the year - Angel Tree.

Most morning when I need a smile I go and visit the "My Family Found Me" page which lists all the children who have tentative commitments or the "Already Home" page where families who have already connected with their children and brought them home are listed. There is an incredible joy to see these children loved, thriving, and in a family (it's also fun when families sneak in some time to update on their blogs and you see the impact of the adoption process).

That said, I wasn't going to join in with Angel Tree this year.

Yep, I was just going to hide in my own little cubbyhole online, watching and cheering on those brave enough to speak up on behalf of their angels.

The last few years have been tiring, exhausting even and my reserves are pretty low. I get excited about all the good and wonderful things I see going on (which is a lovely contrast to the news I've had to cut out of my life thanks to an anxiety disorder) but before I can step up and say "Here I am, I can help" a little voice in my head calls out how little I have to offer. So, I shrink back to my corner and allow that voice to win. You see, that little voice has had a lot of support these last few years, people confirming what it whispers throughout the day, reminding me of  my failures, my weakness, and where I can't measure up.
Hiding seems like a pretty solid option in those circumstances.

Here's the thing, there's something tantalizing about hope, unavoidably drawing about love and encouragement.

I was sitting frustrated as I felt the edges of yet another anxiety attack creeping up into the edges of awareness and popped into the Angel Tree Facebook group to see what was happening, holding my breathe that maybe distraction could hold off my anxiety. As a scanned through threads I was amazed at the support, the encouragement, the dedication of the members to cry out for these kids because all it takes is a person willing to cry out . . . and as they laid it out they drew me in.
As I was drawn in- we started talking.
As we talked - that inner voice found some conflict.

It doesn't take much to make a difference for people: a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a helping hand. It can bring people out of isolation and into community.

With Angel Tree it doesn't take much to start a journey - a donation here, a share there, hope and love can be kindled in a family for a child around the world and with the help of their community, the RR community a family can be encouraged as they work through the long road of international adoption and a child can find a home.

I may only be one, with my doubts and insecurities, but I'm still one and that counts for something and you can bet I'm going to shout my heart out for a little girl half way around the world in the hopes that maybe her Mama and Daddy will hear.
Who knows, maybe with  all that shouting that little condemning voice won't be able to get in as many words.

I'm back and so is Angel Tree (almost)

Oops.

I didn't mean to be away so long.

 Last year, about half way through Angel Tree I found myself feeling a bit off, a little queasy. So I stepped away from blogging to figure out what was going on, only to find out we were getting ready for our family to grow. This past June we welcomed baby S. to our family. The pregnancy included a few complications, a cross-country move, and an early arrival from our newest little gentleman.

Over the past few months we've been learning how to balance life as a family of four.
All the while I sat quietly watching and celebrating as so many Reece's Rainbow kids were found and taken home, beloved sons and daughters.

Yet so many kids are still waiting.
In fact, some children have been waiting for so long that they are ineligible for Angel Tree- their grants are too large after slowly accumulating through the years and prior Angel Tree campaigns as all Angel Tree participants have grants under 5000 dollars.
It's mind boggling when you take a minute to think about it.
There is an entire category of kids on RR who have grants above 5000 dollars and are still waiting. That's a significant dent in the cost for overseas adoption.

Some of these kids are former Angel Tree participants

Like Eva

Eva's described as friendly and communicative who loves to play and attends school (3rd grade in fall of 2014). Eva also has $5500 already in her grant to help her family bring her home.

Or Tara

Tara was my Angel on the tree last year and, sadly, she's still waiting for her family to find her. Although there haven't been any new updates on Tara in the last 12 months, her grant is now over 

$15 000 and would go a long way to help her family get her home before she ages out in only 11 months. (children in Tara's country are ineligible for adoption after their 14th birthday)

Katrina

Katrina's been listed on RR for as long as I have been following this organization.
Looking at her picture it's hard to believe this little girl will be having her 14th birthday this December. Her last update was before last year's Angel Tree as well.Katrina's ineligible for Angel Tree due to her grant being over $7000

and Andruis

Andruis' is another one who is in danger of aging out with his 16th birthday coming next December. Thanks to changes in his institution, Andruis shows lots of potential, attending school and therapy. His grant of over $21 000 would go a long way to helping his family get him home and see just how far his potential could go.

In one month, over 100 kids will have the chance to be shared, seen, and have their grants grown.A lucky few will have their families take a chance and say yes to starting their journey to bring their sons and daughters home. In the weeks leading up to Angel Tree can you look into the faces of these 4, of the "other angels", the aging out, and those whose grants are over 5000 and share them, shout for them, allow them their moment too.

Sunday Spotlight

I didn't intend to miss two weeks of Sunday's on here, however, apparently moving across country/starting a job hunt while in your third trimester leaves one a wee bit tired. Oops.
In hindsight I probably should have been able to figure that one out ahead of time.

I realize I could have put something together early but part of me hopes so dearly that these kids will move between the day I pick them out and Sunday I can't help but wait an extra day or two just in case the "My Family Found Me" page gains a few new faces.

I know shouting out the names of a few kids each week doesn't seem like a lot and perhaps, when reading this, you can't see the point of sharing either. I didn't. It took me months before I realized even something small could mean a big difference.

Once our internet came back on (woohoo, didn't expect a two week Facebook hiatus but it's amazing how much unpacking happened) I eagerly scanned the MFFM page and was thrilled to see a few faces who have been on my heart. However, that excitement was tempered by a quick visit to the "In loving memory" page. If you've ever been to Reece's Rainbow and not stopped by that link, do me a favour? Go and take a peek. Look at the faces of the ones who are no longer with us. Some had families coming, others didn't. Some had been listed for weeks, others years. All died in their orphanages around the world.

Now onto our spotlight.

First up is Dani!

Dani's been listed for so long with RR and looks like such a little monkey. Her file has been listed as imminent transfer for some time as well and could very well have already been moved to an institution or older children's home.
Dani is listed as having Cerebral Palsy as well as vision and hearing impairments. Although, as all children would need an assessment once adopted to discover her true abilities and potential. This little one won't be 6 until December and could receive so much help if placed with a family at this age. (As of Autumn 2015 Dani is home!!)

Next up is another sweetie who's been listed far too long considering her young age :(

Leilani 

Leilani has only ever appeared on RR, to my knowledge, in her crib and has a list of conditions that could scare away potential families. However, a crib and an institution are this little one's most likely future unless a family steps forward. Even with this little one's issues, there are a host of people standing behind Leilani's future family with her grant already exceeding $8000, a great start to bringing her home.


Claire

This little lady appears to be a favourite (given by her large bows) and has her orphanage advocating for a family which is a huge benefit and not necessarily a given in international adoption. Claire's workers note that she is is need of speech therapy and potentially has other cognitive assessments which would be more easily attained in a family setting, as would the attention this little girl so desperately seeks. She would most likely do best in a situation where she was the youngest child.

Although we usually only feature 3 on Sunday, since I missed a few weeks, here is

Colette

Colette is listed as having CP affecting her lower limbs. Although she can walk short distances, a wheelchair is required for longer trips. She is reported to be a clever girl who is both sweet and affectionate.

Even if you only have a moment, won't you take that moment and share one of these little girls this week? Give them a chance to be seen, to be heard, and maybe even be found.

Sunday Spotlight

Well, although I intended to write these every Sunday, however, I'm currently writing this in advance as Sunday is our long awaited moving day!!

Even better we have a house as of Tuesday, the only condition being we don't actually get keys from our landlord until the 1st. So, between an extended move and trying to find a new internet provider these posts may become a little spotty until those details are smoothed out.

With that said, onto our spotlight!

Up first is Vera

Even without reading her description you can tell this sweetie spends far too much time in her crib. This little one has a list of conditions on her profile and families should expected to get well acquainted with their medical professionals through her care, but should also not discount the potential which could be uncovered. Her pictured reminds me so much of another RR angel who has been home now for close to a year over at http://crunchylutheranmommy.com/


Next on our spotlight is Shirley

Shirley is listed as having Cerebral Palsy but has also learned to attend her own needs and has an independent streak.
Sounds like a pre-teen to me ;) (just kidding I love working with junior high students they always have the most enthusiasm and best ideas!)
 Placed in a foster home in 2006, Shirley has enjoyed more personalized attention and therapies which probably added to these increased skills and has been noted to enjoy playing with dolls and playing dress up.

Finishing off this week is Maiya

Maiya's another little girl that seems to have graced RR for too long and needs a family to step up and take her home. Listed with intelligence delay and epilepsy Maiya is reported to be delayed with no language although she can make sounds and finish simple tasks. This little girl doesn't seem to let that get her down for too long. Look at that smile!