As long as I can remember I have been a planner.
Schedules are comforting, organization makes me gleeful.
I'm one of those people.
So, when I wrote my first post on this blog (realizing that Kindred Spirits had quickly become more about the books I was reading) I set out a schedule for the next post, told a friend for accountability, and promptly ignored this page.
Like so many people it's easier to share the good, the exciting, the new adventures in our lives - rejoicing with those who rejoice without bringing the balance of the sad, hard, and heartbreaking that brings us to mourn in community as well.
The last few months of our lives have had some amazing moments of celebration: classes were finished, a thesis was started, weddings were had, and family was able to come together. However, these months have also been marked by loneliness, layoffs, and new diagnosis that have started complicating our goals of a sibling for J.
It's a lot to take in and yet, it's so much easier to say "we're fine", downplay the struggles, or stay silent, a personal favourite if you'll notice the state of this blog. There's a lot of pressure for a stay at home mom and that only seems to grow in the church and/or a small town. Normal setbacks can feel like personal failures when they should really be seen as life's ebbs and flows.
It's only recently, through the courageous honesty of some other mom bloggers that I'm starting to realize the importance of appropriate honesty. It's hard though to be open, for this introvert, is a hard fought skill, which means learning, which means failing, which can be a vicious cycle of expectations.
As much as I love schedules and organizing they only work with flexibility and only when they prioritize the right things: family, faith, personal growth, community not clean floors, upbeat blogs posts, and errand charts.
In the words of my favourite doctor - Allons-y
