Christmas Trees and Memories

Christmas is an odd holiday.

It celebrates newness, hope, and beginnings.

Simultaneously, it's a time to reflect on years and events now passed.

This Christmas marks so many precious firsts in our family. Our first Christmas in Ontario, our first Christmas as a family of four thanks to our little monkey's arrival this summer, and our first Christmas where Peanut is old enough to start participating in family traditions and making his own memories.

 One of my favourite traditions is trimming the tree. 

I love the memories as each ornament has its own story. Whether it's a place, a celebration, or a person, once trimmed, our tree transforms into a monument of living memories for one month of the year. Well, at least for the adults, a certain monkey is still convinced it's just a giant teething toy for his pleasure but one day, he too, will learn the history held in each branch.

But I wonder what history some of those branches will hold. 

This year while trimming the tree I came across two ornaments, each bearing the face of a young girl whose lives are now on diverging paths and recalled a third who's story holds yet another.

The first of those ornaments held the face of a young girl named Tori. Last year, Tori was one of over one hundred children on the Angel Tree. A warrior advocated for her. People shouted for her and a family stepped out in faith to bring her home. They are currently completing paperwork, waiting on dates, and raising the last needed funds so that next Christmas Tori will be home.

The second ornament bore the face of a young girl named Tara. 

Tara was also one of the many represented on last year's tree. I had the privilege of being her warrior and despite some complications on my end that almost resulted in us losing our little monkey the kindness of many saw Tara reach her goal.Like Tori, Tara is not a part of this year's Angel Tree. Her grant is too large!Sitting at over 15k Tara needs visibility and a family before she ages out next fall and her ornament becomes a memory of opportunity lost.

The final girl on our family tree is Tarsha

Tarsha will be celebrating her 8th birthday following her time on the Angel Tree and, if memory serves me, this isn't her first time through. Like Tara she is still waiting for a family to make memories to invite her in and make those memories,, participate in traditions, and share love and hope. Unlike Tara, Tarsha's grant was small enough to be on Angel Tree and her goal for this year is still a long way off.

Three girls, three different stories, so many easy ways to make a difference. 

http://static.reecesrainbow.org/angeltree2015/

Dear Santa

I remember the old song

 "he sees you when you're sleeping, 

he knows when you're awake. 

He knows if you've been bad or good"

It would seem that you know when people need a little something too.

I've heard so much about Santa and commercialism. The reason for the season and the spirit of the holidays, the attack on Christmas. Sometimes it's tempting to throw out everything and miss the good in an attempt to simplify the grey. Maybe sometimes in the grey where things are not so clear, that miracles are witnessed and wishes do come true.

Because this week you've been oh so busy Santa with stories that people need to hear.

I've heard about you visiting children, sleeping while they slept. 

Meeting children where they needed you - because sometimes Christmas is out of our depth. The way you got down on the floor or let your fingers fly with speech, For special kids you put holiday tradition easily in reach. 

I know how you sat with a young girl, almost too big to come and visit as far as her peers will soon perceive. I know you promised to pray for her Mama when your toymaker's skills weren't up to the deed.

I also know know what you did for us on a week I felt so alone. Did you see the behaviours with sensory overload and the screams from teething that echoed our home. Did you feel this lonely Mama's heart wondering what to do and decided to send a blessing to show that we're remembered too?

Sometimes our blessings come when we least expect it.

Has anybody seen November?

It's hard to believe we're peering down into 2016. 

At least, I can't believe it. 

I still expect to be prepping for speech class (which ended the 2nd Tuesday of November). 

I'm still wondering if I should start checking on Christmas baking or if there's still time to wait 

(the answer is check things, oops). 

I'm still wondering why there's no snow on the ground to help me figure out what month it is as I've long given up trying to remember something as tricky as the actual day of the week 

(today ends in "y" right??)

Yet, despite my lack of preparation, December is here and Angel Tree has officially passed the halfway mark with a mere 26 days left for each and every one of these precious kiddo's to try and reach their goals - $1000 or, even better, a family.

I'm always amazed at the barrage of requests that accompany December - our time, our resources, our attention - each are in high demand with the holiday season (and, I confess, a major giveaway for me that it had become December)

It can be so easy for faces to fade into the noise

Faces like Tarsha

It can be hard to connect a need with real child known by a nickname and an undated picture if they're lucky. Harder still to identify how a few dollars or sharing that name and picture could really make a difference.

But please, before the bells, the noise, and the lights take your gaze, take a minute and look here.  See the Jackson's, the Reilly's, the Ian's. These are the kids last year who sat with their faces fading into the bustle of our holidays. The children who people sat and debated whether it was worth sharing their picture or donating their own two mites.

These are the kids who are gearing up for their first Christmas at home. These are children who were seen because someone shared, who's family was encouraged and helped along by so many people sharing their two mites. These are the found.

Why bother with Awareness

It was a cool, quiet afternoon in 2002. I was homeschooled so classes often included my little CD player blaring through my work space. I often had music playing to help me focus or just edge out the lonely quiet that could creep up while I was alone.

I remember popping in my brand new Christmas CD - WOW Christmas, I honestly have no idea what time of year it was because I'm one of those wonderfully weird people who can pull out the Christmas tunes any time of year.

That was the year that WOW include TobyMac's "This Christmas".The song captivated me, I played that song over and over to the point I was surprised it wasn't scratched when I finally added it to my ITunes a few years later.

It's a simple song to remember, telling the story of a young boy having a discussion. As the song unfolds you discover the boy has no family of his own. The song really hit me as a teen. I was aware that there were children without families, that's what we were told CAS was for. I had read Anne of Green Gables and knew on some levels that orphanages still existed around the world. For some reason, as I sat at my desk and hear the song unfold into the first half of James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress" it suddenly dawned  on me that, maybe, we all had some level of responsibility.

There is such a temptation to fall into the mentality that someone else is already doing something: CAS, staff workers, volunteers, missionaries, etc. .. Worse, we can fall into the trap of "out of sight, out of mind" - a tragedy brought home once again this week in Julia's blogpost. When we overlook we can't challenge for change, we don't open our hearts, and people start slipping through cracks.

November is Orphan Awareness Month. An entire month dedicated to remembering these children and promoting the ways to change because, I think, far too often it's easy to overlook, easy to forget, easy to minimize rather than face our own comfort or maybe or own inability. This is how the Ben's and the Isaiahu's stories are repeated over and over again only, perhaps, without the outpouring that has allowed them the extra care to hold on.

Even in an awareness month it's painfully easy to overlook. Not everyone is called to adoption, it can be a hard and painful road and some people are called to walk other ministries more intimately. However, James makes it clear that we all hold responsibility because adoption is not the only way to help.

Locally, there is a need for parents but there is also a need for those who can foster, those who can provide respite, or even find unique ways to support through gifts and events.

Local and International adopt can be support through prayer, giving financially either to help with adoption like with Tarsha and others through an organization like Reece's Rainbow/ a group working locally/ or a local (overseas) group like Camp Lela.

There's also the ability to help by supporting families both in and post adoption as they anticipate or adjust to their new family dynamics. Be a community by asking what these families need or offering a few choices rather than imposing your own opinions on what you think is needed. There are lots of amazing blogs out there that touch upon this one.

Finally you can raise awareness through education. By getting the information yourself and raising your own awareness on the situation facing orphans around the globe you can be prepared to pass along that information to others and who knows how far those ripples could go.

Are we playing yet?

Sometimes therapy gets confusing especially, it seems, when it involved younger children and if there's one thing I'm learning in this journey it's that our "big boy" qualifies as a young child.

Which is a mixed bag with autism. On one hand, there seems to be this wall of disbelief that I have to deconstruct when dealing with many of the initial agencies I was told to contact, unbelieving that our son could possibly have a diagnosis just months after his 2nd birthday. This has been extremely disheartening given the overwhelming support and awareness towards early diagnosis and intervention. On the other hand, the support we have found, including some really incredible CDAs (communicative disorder assistants) and OTs (Occupational therapists) who work exceptionally hard to introduce strategies that can be fun and productive for our son and we're starting to see a difference.

J is becoming more vocal in his babbling and has added almost half a dozen words to his vocabulary (doubling it depending on who you ask), he understands more, and we're seeing improvements in our life skills throughout the day.

The hard part for me is finding the balance. Even though the strategies are set within the context of play, there are days when both J and I are fully aware that what we are working on isn't a game or even necessarily fun, it's work and it's hard, frustrating, and possibly the last thing on earth either one of us wants to be doing but it needs done.

When therapy and play share a fuzzy boundary though over analysis kicks in: have we played enough today, has it all be strategies, did we have fun, have we practiced fine motor today/this week, am I rushing too much for strategies?  

The list goes on because the boundaries are close, this road is new, and everyone involved is human.

It's hard because the mom in me wants him to succeed - learning and growing as himself  and in our family. The tired human wants progress - less behaviours, more communication and less frustration.

We don't like to see our children suffer if there's something we can do -therapy is something we do and it's good, it works, and it can change lives given time and effort.

sometimes we need that balance, the need to push guilt away and recognize the value if just being, without fearing schedules, timelines, and aging out of assistance too soon.

Even though it's not mentioned on assessments, intakes, or forms it's still important, at the end of the day, not to measure how many minutes were spent practicing scissors (although we are desperately behind on that) but does J feel loved today.

Sometimes playtime needs to be playtime and maybe this Mama can benefit from that too.

Fear

I had a message last night from a friend about Angel Tree (and if you ever see this I hope you don't mind my sharing).

This woman is a blessing to be around, she's honest, insightful, and has one of the biggest servant's hearts I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I've lost track of how many times I spotted her sharing a conversation or a ready smile with someone while unobtrusively doing some task that just needed doing. So, it struck me odd at first when she mentioned fear as a motivator for not acting on issues of justice.

Fear has been a longtime companion of mine.
Post-Partum anxiety royally sucks and social anxiety and I have been good acquaintances even longer. I've learned to manage my anxiety most of the time and am blessed to have a husband who gives me space to see to my mental health on the days when anxiety tries to take over.

For me, the interesting thing is how my fear has changed in light of my passion.
I'm not an extrovert. Even when my anxiety isn't an issue in groups I still find being with a group of people exhausted (although enjoyable if I know them and feel comfortable around them a key point that can be overlooked when dealing with us introverted folk). Yet, even with that discomfort, I cannot help but speak up when I find myself faced with an opportunity to share my passions whether that is my family, my very nerdy love of sci-fi, disabled rights, or as you may have gathered - adoption (which also ties in to family and disability).

As my knowledge on these topics grows so does my enthusiasm, my drive, and my passion.
Some of this makes a lot of sense. We all like to talk about things we enjoy and honestly have you seen a sci-fi convention? Nerds love talking about what makes us tick we just want the conversations to have purpose even if it doesn't seem meaningful to an outsider without the proper context.
Family is another easy topic for most to understand. I love my guys and want them to know it, so I try to encourage and maybe even brag on them a bit when it's appropriate,

Acts of social justice can be harder passions to understand. They can seem so distant, downplayed, or even overwhelming in our initial assessment that fear can raise its presence to the point our ability to respond is beaten down or drowned out.
That was my first year after discovering Reece's and researching into the state of orphans, especially disabled orphans, around the globe.

We are urged to be unique, stand out, find ourselves but on the other hand, when we constantly seek to stand out of the crowd we realize how alone we are and, in turn, can realize how powerless we feel in the face of the monumental tasks.

So, I prayed for my heart to break and the strength to face the beast of my fear.

Guess what?

It worked. I'm still afraid of raising my one, lonely voice in the face of all this tragedy but I'm more afraid of remaining silent, knowing I could have done something but remained silent in face of my inability to due everything. I'm still afraid but no longer feel my fear of being heard measures up to the suffering that continues in my silence. I'm afraid of the vastness of the issues but realize, like Dr. Suess says "A person's a person no matter how small." We all have something to contribute and over the years I've stumbled across tiny, solitary voices who've dared to shout out like Julia at Micah 6:8
and Jenny at Zero the Zeroes and so many others, who together form a loud chorus that shakes through the bad days, the hard times, and the days when you want to give up - reminding that you aren't alone.

It's astonishing the difference that community makes and I fear that we've forgotten that.

In the end these people don't need thousands upon thousands of people (although imagine how that would cut into the costs of bringing these kids home) all each child needs is one family to step up for each of them. One voice can make a difference and perhaps that's what feeds our fear the most.

Introducing Tarsha

This year my angel on the tree is none other than Tarsha.

In many ways this is bittersweet.

I am grateful for the chance to advocate for this sweet 6 year old.Her bio mentions that she is smart and sweet but that she can be stubborn and unresponsive if things get too loud or impatient. Sounds like a girl after my own heart ;)

She is listed as independent and happy, working on her life skills and practicing her communication which has improved since coming into care.

It mentions that she had heart surgery to correct a defect in 2013.

What it doesn't mention is if she was alone following her surgery or was there a staff member who could sit with a scared 4 year old girl. It doesn't mention her likes, her dislikes, her fears, or her dreams. It doesn't mention funny memories, inside jokes, or fond tones. Those are things that families bring forward. Bios, by necessity, have to be short and factual. They need to give enough information for interested families to understand what they will face without sacrificing the child's right to privacy, a right which stands behind RR's policy of giving each child a different name to represent them.

When I describe my kidlets my mind instantly goes into overdrive. Where do I start, how can I possibly sum up my kids into a few lines. They are full of life and personality, vibrant and curious in their own ways.

Tarsha, like each of the RR, deserves a family whose words trip over themselves as they strive to articulate who their daughter is  to friends and family. Tarsha could blossom in a family.

Here's why it's bittersweet.
I first saw Tarsha last year, on Angel Tree. This little angel has over 2000 dollars in her grant waiting to help bring her home, but her family hasn't found her yet.

Angel Tree is special in its simplicity. A few dollars can make a difference towards a grant, 35 and over can get you an ornament for your tree. Sharing these children, their faces, their stories, their need for a family could result in helping a family bring them home.  It only takes seconds to share on line or donate (depending on your internet connection, for some it can be a much more lengthy commitment :P ) or a few minutes to share face to face, for Tarsha it could mean a whole new life and maybe next Christmas won't have to be so bittersweet.

143

It's an odd number, a random number.
It can't be rounded out or smoothed over.
Some have downplayed it saying that 18 is more accurate, that there are mitigating factors that need to be taken into account for a more accurate assessment.

Either way, both of those numbers are far too high when you consider that they represent real children growing up all over the globe with no family to hold them tight, walk with them through life, celebrate the everyday victories, and grieve the losses that are already stacked far too high in young lives.

The most recent number I could find place the global estimation or current orphans at 143 million children. That's a heartbreaking number when you consider how many affected lives that actually signifies. Even more painful was the downplaying, the attempts to rationalize the numbers recognizing that the status of orphan in these surveys still includes those being raised by extended family and single, surviving parents. To read sites that seem to be aiming for reassurance that the issue isn't as big as originally feared as there are only approximately 18 million orphans should be devastating, it should drive us to action.

Instead, it feels like many either buy into the reassurances that the problem isn't as bad as feared (even at the conservative number of 18 million we're still looking at the population 18x the size of Saskatchewan, Canada) or freeze overwhelmed at the sheer scope of the task ahead.

This is why I love organizations such as Reece's Rainbow. Even though I'm well aware of the 30 000 wards of the crown in my own country and hope to , one day, be in a better place within our family to help address that number. I'm equally aware that for disabled orphans around the world, their lives could depend on whether or not a family steps up to take them home.

Whether it's a lack of funds, unavailable medical care, uncaring workers, overcrowded homes, aging out and falling victim to suicide (a reality for potentially 10% of aged out children), drugs use, gangs, or trafficking, or even a life sentence in an adult mental institution for children as young as those we'd normally see in kindergarten.
The is the sad reality for orphans around the world and it doesn't have to be!

Reece's Rainbow is what I call a starfish organization.
Following the story of the starfish washed upon the shore aided by one small boy, Reece's Rainbow recognizes that while 18 million is a staggering number, anyone can help another, single person.
As E. Hale says "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."

Reece's Rainbow helps advocate and raise awareness for these children, aiding families bring them home through grants and the support of parents who have gone before. Valuable assets given the cost -emotional and financial for bringing a child home.

However, even though RR represents a minuscule portion of the 18 million.Taking 10 minutes to scroll through their website and see the faces, read the ages, and realize the reality of these children can still feel daunting.

Here enters Angel Tree.

Angel Tree takes a small(ish) number of children from within RR and highlights them for the months of November and December. Instead of trying to raise as much as possible (although larger grants are always helpful) each child has a goal of 1000 dollars raised towards their grant within the 2 months with one specific person assigned  to help the child meet their goal or find a family through fundraising and advocacy. 

18 million is staggering and the total cost of adoption is no little goal. However, 1 child and a few dollars here or sharing them with a friend, looking into the needs of orphans around the world. These things are doable and should be.

18 million - I can't help everyone, but I can help one and I can't wait to introduce you to her. . . Next time!

Dear CDA

Dear CDA's

You are the most recent part of the alphabet we've met since travelling in our new reality and I feel like I owe you an apology.

I never like to be one who overstays my welcome (honest, my anxiety issues actually have me understay my welcome unless I really trust you) but last week I found myself staying for well over an hour at the drop-in while you played with my oldest.

I realize that the two families after us had cancelled. Instead of dealing with us you could have been chatting, catching up on backlogged work, or maybe even sneaking in some Facebook because, hey, we're all human.

But, you took the time.

You let this weary Mama sit for an hour and play with my baby. You let me prattle on aimlessly about my sons. You let me talk about things we've tried, things we've learned, and things we're stilling grasping to find solutions for. You let me watch while you "reinforced strategies."
The most important thing, though, you made my son the center of your world for an hour, you played with him so enthusiastically that he absolutely cackled with laughter for the first time in that office. You made him smile as he worked on skills well we got to relax as a family and not stress where the line is drawn between therapy and play. You let my little boy be a little boy while I was allowed the gift of watching, knowing you were just as familiar and comfortable with any behaviours as we could be.

For an hour you gave us the gift of a reprieve, a chance to be a family in the whirlwind, eating pizza and laughing about nothing and everything.

Thank you,

It's beginning to look a lot

It's beginning to look a lot like . . . paperwork.

Referral paperwork, official doctors letters and assessments, and more information to read through(conveniently added to an entire tote of paperwork I've yet to find a cup of tea large enough to motivate me to begin reading).

I'm not ashamed to admit I've dug out the Christmas carols to help. I'm one of those weird people who gets positively giddy to hear a carol around (Canadian) Thanksgiving and, as an added bonus, Christmas songs make my almost 4 month old break out into large, toothless grins. Who wouldn't want to see that while facing down the mountain.

I realize the importance of getting into things quickly but they honestly need to make a "filling out medical paperwork for your child" for dummies book. I think two of the forms they sent me from two different offices yesterday are identical and are supposed to be shipped to two different cities.

I applaud those who have come before, I think of my former babysitter, a beautiful spirit of a woman who has a daughter on the spectrum and battles her own health concerns, she's a warrior mama not only ensuring her daughter gets care but helping make things better for the future through fundraisers and awareness.

I think of another mama who's faced numerous battles while helping her little one receive the best quality of life he can while facing a condition I had never even heard of before. That mama works tirelessly (although I know some days she must feel bone numbingly tired) and the smile that her little man has shows that she's doing something right.

I'm grateful for the fact we live in a country where there are opportunities for my son to thrive, grow, and pursue whatever dreams his heart will grow over the next few years.
Through my time trying to raise awareness with Reece's Rainbow I'm painfully aware of how little it can take to send a child into a life without a future. This is why I support RR, to help give some of these kids the chance for a future, the same chance my own son has been afforded simply by where he was born.

Angel Tree starts in less than 3 weeks and through a wonderful set of circumstances, I now have a new angel to root for (I'll explain that in her intro post as soon as I can).

In the meantime, I'm going to load up the Christmas playlist and see if I can rustle up another cup of tea.

Venturing out

I've never been a "crowd" person

I wear my introvert badge with pride and still chuckle a bit too much when a certain Doctor Who episode references Hermits United.

I know at least part of that comes from my EDS. Crowds are not a great place to be when your joints are wibbly, your body hurts, and your anxiety keeps telling you that people are sucking out the oxygen. That said, I love one-on-one or meeting with a small group of people. Give me a shared topic of interest and I will talk your ear off. Everybody, even introverts, need a chance to be out in community, it's a fundamental part of who we are as human beings.

Now, however, going out has a new complication: a smiley little 4 month old and our firecracker who's 2 and just happens to have ASD.

Our son's ASD has left him fairly speech delayed as well as unaware of most boundaries add in the fact that he's tall for his age and we have a perfect recipe for frustration as most people simply see a disobedient free spirited boy who "should know better" or a lazy parent. UGH!

It honestly feel like a rock and a hard place quandary - don't explain and people make assumptions (let's face it people act on assumptions and interact differently as a result) or explain and chance people not making the effort to see the person behind the label.

Having to deal with this myself I usually go with the latter risk but it still feels like a lose-lose scenario. Which is why I'm grateful on those occasions when the unexpected occurs.

We recently started attending a new church who I had been associated with through their day camp many moons ago (I don't actually remember the year but anything pre-kids feels like it was many moons ago :P ).  We arrived early, let our little guy walk through the entire building while only the first volunteers were running through setup, and made sure to find his teacher before class started. I started into my usually explanation with speech delays, possible ASD, etc . . . only for the teacher to smile and tell me she understood perfectly her son had been there too.

There's power in a smile. There's power in a kind word, a nod of acceptance, or when acceptable a recognition of similar journeys. They're all connectors, reminders that we're not alone on this weird journey called life, an invitation back into community when you feel isolated and alienated.

I'm grateful that, although new to this journey, I've already found a few instances where community has reached out and invited me in when life and assumptions seemed to push me out.

Community takes risk but it's a risk worth taking for both parties, something I definitely need to remember.

A new normal

I've been told I worry too much about a lot of things since I began my journey with PPA (Post-partum anxiety) this week one of my concerns found some footing.

Our oldest son has officially been diagnosed with moderate autism.

It's funny how the things you expect can still hit you hard.

He's still our peanut and nothing's changed other than a few new words on his medical file but it's the changed hopes and dreams that create the pain and grief in this initial time of transition.

I always suspected autism could be part of our lives. In the middle of the autism debates that rage online, the genetic argument makes the most sense to me and autism already runs in our family. So when our active, creative fireball of a son fell further behind in speech, started shying away from textures, and started sensory behaviours day in and day out, this Mama started making calls.

It's funny how everyone has an opinion. I've been told that "boys just talk late," "boys are always active," "boys like to deconstruct things," "boys have tempers."  Here's the thing that may be true to degrees in some kids regardless of gender each kid is different but Mama's and Daddy's have instincts and mine screamed it's better to be screened early, patted on the head, and told you're overprotective then miss something that could be helped - and with autism early diagnosis and intervention is key.

So here we start on a new adventure and oddly enough the experts are right. Our son hasn't changed a bit (as evidenced by the fact he just jumped off the couch again and started running laps through our kitchen) but as parents we are changing. We're learning how to work with our son where he is, we're trying to learn to see the world through his eyes and help him navigate a world that can be very different for him, and we're learning what this new norm means for our crazy little family.

A diagnosis isn't the end of the world, and grieving isn't bad (I'd argue necessary but that's an entirely other post), in fact, sometimes a diagnosis frees you to leave the expectations of those around you and start embracing the uniqueness that's always been there.

Angel Tree is coming back (and it guess who's joining in)

Alright, I think it goes without saying that I support the work Reece's Rainbow and other similar organizations due. So, it just makes sense that I would be excited for their biggest fundraiser and awareness campaign of the year - Angel Tree.

Most morning when I need a smile I go and visit the "My Family Found Me" page which lists all the children who have tentative commitments or the "Already Home" page where families who have already connected with their children and brought them home are listed. There is an incredible joy to see these children loved, thriving, and in a family (it's also fun when families sneak in some time to update on their blogs and you see the impact of the adoption process).

That said, I wasn't going to join in with Angel Tree this year.

Yep, I was just going to hide in my own little cubbyhole online, watching and cheering on those brave enough to speak up on behalf of their angels.

The last few years have been tiring, exhausting even and my reserves are pretty low. I get excited about all the good and wonderful things I see going on (which is a lovely contrast to the news I've had to cut out of my life thanks to an anxiety disorder) but before I can step up and say "Here I am, I can help" a little voice in my head calls out how little I have to offer. So, I shrink back to my corner and allow that voice to win. You see, that little voice has had a lot of support these last few years, people confirming what it whispers throughout the day, reminding me of  my failures, my weakness, and where I can't measure up.
Hiding seems like a pretty solid option in those circumstances.

Here's the thing, there's something tantalizing about hope, unavoidably drawing about love and encouragement.

I was sitting frustrated as I felt the edges of yet another anxiety attack creeping up into the edges of awareness and popped into the Angel Tree Facebook group to see what was happening, holding my breathe that maybe distraction could hold off my anxiety. As a scanned through threads I was amazed at the support, the encouragement, the dedication of the members to cry out for these kids because all it takes is a person willing to cry out . . . and as they laid it out they drew me in.
As I was drawn in- we started talking.
As we talked - that inner voice found some conflict.

It doesn't take much to make a difference for people: a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, a helping hand. It can bring people out of isolation and into community.

With Angel Tree it doesn't take much to start a journey - a donation here, a share there, hope and love can be kindled in a family for a child around the world and with the help of their community, the RR community a family can be encouraged as they work through the long road of international adoption and a child can find a home.

I may only be one, with my doubts and insecurities, but I'm still one and that counts for something and you can bet I'm going to shout my heart out for a little girl half way around the world in the hopes that maybe her Mama and Daddy will hear.
Who knows, maybe with  all that shouting that little condemning voice won't be able to get in as many words.

I'm back and so is Angel Tree (almost)

Oops.

I didn't mean to be away so long.

 Last year, about half way through Angel Tree I found myself feeling a bit off, a little queasy. So I stepped away from blogging to figure out what was going on, only to find out we were getting ready for our family to grow. This past June we welcomed baby S. to our family. The pregnancy included a few complications, a cross-country move, and an early arrival from our newest little gentleman.

Over the past few months we've been learning how to balance life as a family of four.
All the while I sat quietly watching and celebrating as so many Reece's Rainbow kids were found and taken home, beloved sons and daughters.

Yet so many kids are still waiting.
In fact, some children have been waiting for so long that they are ineligible for Angel Tree- their grants are too large after slowly accumulating through the years and prior Angel Tree campaigns as all Angel Tree participants have grants under 5000 dollars.
It's mind boggling when you take a minute to think about it.
There is an entire category of kids on RR who have grants above 5000 dollars and are still waiting. That's a significant dent in the cost for overseas adoption.

Some of these kids are former Angel Tree participants

Like Eva

Eva's described as friendly and communicative who loves to play and attends school (3rd grade in fall of 2014). Eva also has $5500 already in her grant to help her family bring her home.

Or Tara

Tara was my Angel on the tree last year and, sadly, she's still waiting for her family to find her. Although there haven't been any new updates on Tara in the last 12 months, her grant is now over 

$15 000 and would go a long way to help her family get her home before she ages out in only 11 months. (children in Tara's country are ineligible for adoption after their 14th birthday)

Katrina

Katrina's been listed on RR for as long as I have been following this organization.
Looking at her picture it's hard to believe this little girl will be having her 14th birthday this December. Her last update was before last year's Angel Tree as well.Katrina's ineligible for Angel Tree due to her grant being over $7000

and Andruis

Andruis' is another one who is in danger of aging out with his 16th birthday coming next December. Thanks to changes in his institution, Andruis shows lots of potential, attending school and therapy. His grant of over $21 000 would go a long way to helping his family get him home and see just how far his potential could go.

In one month, over 100 kids will have the chance to be shared, seen, and have their grants grown.A lucky few will have their families take a chance and say yes to starting their journey to bring their sons and daughters home. In the weeks leading up to Angel Tree can you look into the faces of these 4, of the "other angels", the aging out, and those whose grants are over 5000 and share them, shout for them, allow them their moment too.

Sunday Spotlight

I didn't intend to miss two weeks of Sunday's on here, however, apparently moving across country/starting a job hunt while in your third trimester leaves one a wee bit tired. Oops.
In hindsight I probably should have been able to figure that one out ahead of time.

I realize I could have put something together early but part of me hopes so dearly that these kids will move between the day I pick them out and Sunday I can't help but wait an extra day or two just in case the "My Family Found Me" page gains a few new faces.

I know shouting out the names of a few kids each week doesn't seem like a lot and perhaps, when reading this, you can't see the point of sharing either. I didn't. It took me months before I realized even something small could mean a big difference.

Once our internet came back on (woohoo, didn't expect a two week Facebook hiatus but it's amazing how much unpacking happened) I eagerly scanned the MFFM page and was thrilled to see a few faces who have been on my heart. However, that excitement was tempered by a quick visit to the "In loving memory" page. If you've ever been to Reece's Rainbow and not stopped by that link, do me a favour? Go and take a peek. Look at the faces of the ones who are no longer with us. Some had families coming, others didn't. Some had been listed for weeks, others years. All died in their orphanages around the world.

Now onto our spotlight.

First up is Dani!

Dani's been listed for so long with RR and looks like such a little monkey. Her file has been listed as imminent transfer for some time as well and could very well have already been moved to an institution or older children's home.
Dani is listed as having Cerebral Palsy as well as vision and hearing impairments. Although, as all children would need an assessment once adopted to discover her true abilities and potential. This little one won't be 6 until December and could receive so much help if placed with a family at this age. (As of Autumn 2015 Dani is home!!)

Next up is another sweetie who's been listed far too long considering her young age :(

Leilani 

Leilani has only ever appeared on RR, to my knowledge, in her crib and has a list of conditions that could scare away potential families. However, a crib and an institution are this little one's most likely future unless a family steps forward. Even with this little one's issues, there are a host of people standing behind Leilani's future family with her grant already exceeding $8000, a great start to bringing her home.


Claire

This little lady appears to be a favourite (given by her large bows) and has her orphanage advocating for a family which is a huge benefit and not necessarily a given in international adoption. Claire's workers note that she is is need of speech therapy and potentially has other cognitive assessments which would be more easily attained in a family setting, as would the attention this little girl so desperately seeks. She would most likely do best in a situation where she was the youngest child.

Although we usually only feature 3 on Sunday, since I missed a few weeks, here is

Colette

Colette is listed as having CP affecting her lower limbs. Although she can walk short distances, a wheelchair is required for longer trips. She is reported to be a clever girl who is both sweet and affectionate.

Even if you only have a moment, won't you take that moment and share one of these little girls this week? Give them a chance to be seen, to be heard, and maybe even be found.

Sunday Spotlight

Well, although I intended to write these every Sunday, however, I'm currently writing this in advance as Sunday is our long awaited moving day!!

Even better we have a house as of Tuesday, the only condition being we don't actually get keys from our landlord until the 1st. So, between an extended move and trying to find a new internet provider these posts may become a little spotty until those details are smoothed out.

With that said, onto our spotlight!

Up first is Vera

Even without reading her description you can tell this sweetie spends far too much time in her crib. This little one has a list of conditions on her profile and families should expected to get well acquainted with their medical professionals through her care, but should also not discount the potential which could be uncovered. Her pictured reminds me so much of another RR angel who has been home now for close to a year over at http://crunchylutheranmommy.com/


Next on our spotlight is Shirley

Shirley is listed as having Cerebral Palsy but has also learned to attend her own needs and has an independent streak.
Sounds like a pre-teen to me ;) (just kidding I love working with junior high students they always have the most enthusiasm and best ideas!)
 Placed in a foster home in 2006, Shirley has enjoyed more personalized attention and therapies which probably added to these increased skills and has been noted to enjoy playing with dolls and playing dress up.

Finishing off this week is Maiya

Maiya's another little girl that seems to have graced RR for too long and needs a family to step up and take her home. Listed with intelligence delay and epilepsy Maiya is reported to be delayed with no language although she can make sounds and finish simple tasks. This little girl doesn't seem to let that get her down for too long. Look at that smile!

Sunday Spotlight

With our move rapidly approaching it has become surprisingly easy to loose track of time and yet, here we are, another Sunday.

This week has been filled with up and downs as we prepare to leave the only place we've lived while married for new horizons and yet a story about why RR and international adoption is so important has continued to bring me smiles throughout the week. For a few smiles of your own pop over to http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.ca/ to read the wonderful story that has been unfolding for one family.


First up this week is Victoria

Victoria has been listed a few weeks on RR and yet her grant still lists at 0 as I sit here, Can anyone help get her adoption fund started?

Victoria is listed as having a mild mental delay as precaution to interested families, however, previous meetings have revealed her to initially be a very sweet girl who loves to dance and perform as well as already having some English skills to assist her in transitioning into her forever family.

Sarahfina

 This little girl has been listed as autistic, although her description seems to imply she is at least somewhat higher functioning enjoying her meals and enjoying good health. A lifelong resident at her orphanage, this little girl has been waiting far too long for a family to step forward.

Charissa

Look at that smile! This happy girl has been diagnosed with spina bifida and post-op hydrocephalus both conditions with treatment options in North America and which certainly don't seem to slow this girl down at all!Charissa is said to be eager for a family to adopt her.

What would it take to share a picture? Tell a story? Take one cup of coffee and donate the cost to a child in need? 

What would it look like if instead of old pictures of children alone, in 12 months time there were new pictures of new families?

If you have a minute please share these children, pray for these children, and help bring them home.

Sunday Spotlight

Somehow it just seems appropriate on this weekend that signifies hope and new life to so many around the world to feature three more little ladies who are also waiting in their corners of the globe for a chance at a family and a whole new life.

First up is Lucy

Lucy is 11 years old, giving her just 3 short years to find her forever family. Diagnosed with mental and language delays (remembering diagnosis are always cautionary and could be better or worse once a child comes home and has access to differing diagnosis and treatments), Lucy is noted to be an outgoing and energetic young lady. Her carers note that she loves singing and dancing but also enjoys a good book. Overall, Lucy's caregivers present a well-rounded young girl who is waiting for her chance to shine.

Jade is a relatively new posting on Reece's Rainbow and I'm sure has caused more than one person scrolling through to light up with a smile to match the one on her profile

She is noted to be a happy and hyper young lady who has already benefited from being with a hosted family for a time, exposing her to English. With a love for photography and dressing up Jade would be a lively addition for the right family.

Finally, Nadene.

Nadene's been listed on Reece's Rainbow for awhile now and, sadly, her pictures have shown the regression that can happen without the tailored attention and therapies a family can provide. Diagnosed with mental delays and mild cerebral palsy, Nadene still holds much potential for a patient family willing to walk alongside the hurts and regression this young lady has accumulated.

It takes a special family to take on the challenge of pursuing and adopting an international special needs orphan and the challenges this joy can bring with it. However, it takes 5 minutes to pray, share, or donate to help these kids find the hope and love of a family. We never know just how far a simple action may ripple outwards.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

Sunday Awareness from Reece's Rainbow

So I meant to be on here a lot more than I currently have been (isn't that always the case?).

However, since my last post:

Hubby has successfully defended his MA thesis defense

We are officially moving across the country in 3 weeks (eek!)

We are still house and job hunting for said move (double eek)

My placenta previa has resolved (oh, did I mention we're expecting again?)

With everything going on, writing has, once again,  fallen to the bottom of my to-do list and probably will remain so for a little while longer as we pack, clean, and say goodbye to an area we've lived in for a decade.
No matter whether a place has been good or bad there is always grief to be worked through when leaving a significant place.

Since I'm a little nuts though and we're already establishing so many new changes I figured why not add one more little change that maybe could make an actual difference in the long run?

My hope is that on Sunday's when I have internet access, I can share a few of the children on RR who are still waiting for their forever families, starting today.

First up is Victoria.

Victoria has only been listed on RR for a short time but is already under 2 years from aging out where she'll no longer be eligible for international adoption. According to her bio she loves to dance and already knows some English. Judging from the look in her eyes I bet there's a lot of life in this girl.

Katerina,on the other hand, it seems has been listed on RR for too long.

 This little girl has cerebal palsy which really does benefit from therapies which are easily attained in North America (my own brother had PT for his mild CP when he was little), as well as other listed conditions. More importantly, this little one needs a family to watch over her.

Finally, Adelaide also seems to have been listed at RR for awhile. I love reading her description as a a sweet, joyful girl because that certainly seems to shine in her picture don't you think?

This little girl has spina bifida and is in a wheelchair but doesn't seem to let that slow her down at all, now all she needs is a family to help her reach her full potential.

Obviously, the end goal of advocacy is adoption, but equally important are those who give, those who pray, and those who share the stories and the needs of the children around the world who sit and wait. Do you fall into any of those categories?